I am number four.

Maybe it's just my mind playing tricks on my jet-lagged, sleep deprived body, but I've realized that when in comes to competitive things that I care about, I am usually number four.

Fourth out of hundred, and occasionally out of thousand, so fourth ain't bad. But never first, and hardly ever second.

Maybe it's because I've dabbled semi-seriously in a number of things. Although they are loosely related, I've never had that dedication to be really good at something, at the expense of everything else. Maybe I just never had that desire to be number one. Maybe I never found that one thing that my natural talents are uniquely suited for.

In any case, I'm not unhappy about this realization. I'm not an extremely competitive guy, and just being really good, rather than the best, is good enough for me.

I'm more interested in analyzing how my experiences subconsciously affect the things I like. As a result of being good, sometimes very good, but never the best at anything I took seriously, I wonder if I'm attracted to similar characteristics in people and organizations?

I've been a Yankees fan since I fell in love with baseball as a Russian immigrant in the early 90's. However as the team spends more money and wins more championships, it's become harder to be fan. Being a San Francisco Giants fan is much easier. My favorite year to be a Yankees fan was 1996. The team was good, but probably not the best team in the American League. The Atlanta Braves were easily the best team in baseball that year. Seeing the Yankees beat the Braves in a small sample of games was great. Seeing them win as favorites in the later years was much less gratifying.

My favorite Yankee was Andy Pettitte. But I could never really give a good reason why. I've always liked Derek Jeter, of course. Yet he never interested me all that much. Pettitte is not a terribly exciting personality either, but he's your quintessential number four. He's been one of the top pitchers in baseball throughout his career. Also he's a crafty pitcher, with a intense scowl and a great pickoff move. And yet he's never won a Cy Young (his one second-place finish in 1996 would not even rank that high in most other years). I was never unhappy to see Mariano overtake Pettitte as the most well-known Yankees pitcher, nor Clemens or Mussina after him.

I was never unhappy to see someone do better than me in a fair test, especially if that person was a friend or a team mate. I don't think this is because I'm a 'team player' or anything like that. I'm just happy to work pretty hard, be really good, let someone else be the best, and collect whatever you get for being number four.